Having been at it for three years now, I can share a corner table and talk matters marriage. I have both personal and observed experience about this monstrously joyous union. So if you are planning to walk down the aisle someday or already in this thrilling cage, welcome aboard. Let us sail through this puzzling venture.
I’m sure whether married or not, you have already been fed with the platitudinous statement “marriage is not a bed of roses”. Unfortunately, no one really labours to expound this tired line. Well, maybe because every marriage is unique. I also do not promise to tell you what ails marriages, but one thing I can assure you is that there are thorns in the roses; you need to know how to pluck yours.
Here are my take home lessons so far.
A good marriage is not equal to an extravagant wedding
There is a stark difference between a wedding and a marriage. While a wedding is a one-day ceremony, a marriage is a lifetime experience. When all the food is over, when the music is shut, when everyone leaves for home, when all the hired cars are gone, it will only be the two of you seated in a room trying to figure out how a day you have worked so hard for ended so abruptly.
My lesson: A marriage is a possibility even without the hullabaloos that come with a wedding.
A wedding ring is functional not ornamental
Wedding rings come in different forms. Whether yours is diamond glazed, gold coated or street sought, they serve the same fundamental purpose; a show of commitment!! The moment you allow your partner slide that gaudy ring on your finger, your life changes. How? That band is a shout out that you are no longer up for grabs. It is a loud gesture to people that you have committed to someone.
I love seeing the expression on some people’s faces when they see my ring. Some are shocked, others disappointed and others inspired. It saves me and the people I meet a lot of time. It will also save you some lies you have been feeding yourself with. Those guys that you call “just friends” are not. They will all go after the ring.
My lesson: A ring is functional and not ornamental.
Marriage does not care about 30
People need to leave the 30 year deadline they have pegged on marriage. I have met men and women who are suddenly on a wild hunt for a partner since the 30 year mark is beckoning. I got married at 26; people I know did at 39. While I began my journey with a few years shy the “deadline”, the latter began theirs past the line. Even with our varied ages, what we have built with our partners are marriages. Do not feel the pressure to marry by a certain age. Focus on finding the right partner at the right time when you two are ready for the ride.
Do not feel the pressure to marry by a certain age. Focus on finding the right partner at the right time.
My lesson: Marry when you feel ready, not when the society feels you should be ready.
What you speak into your marriage is what it becomes
Death and life are in the power of the tongue. That is what the holy book tells us in Proverbs (18:2). The tongue can be a weapon to destroy or a tool to build a relationship. If you speak hope into your union, that is what grows. You speak hopelessness that is what it becomes. What power do words hold? Now you know.
My lesson: Use your tongue to build.
To be committed and to remain so needs tact. You may need to drop or build some friendships to be able to stay on track. You will have those friends who do not believe in marriage, or some who do not like the fact that you are married. Some may not even be interested in ever getting married. And that is absolutely alright. You need to identify birds of your feather. People who share the same dreams and stands as you do. Leave the bandwagon of “all men are dogs” or “all women are nags”.
My lesson: Pick your friends with tact.
You need to identify birds of your feather. Leave the bandwagon of “all men are dogs” or “all women are nags”.