Welcome to this latest post on my blog. Thank you for always passing by and for the feedback you gave on the previous post, Plucking Off the Roses in My Marriage. Undoubtedly, marriage experiences vary from a couple to the next just as partners in one marriage differ from those in another. So are the hurdles it faces. However, one salient lesson you must have picked from the previous post is that there are thorns in the roses of every marriage. You just need to arm yourself with the right skills on how to pluck yours.
Today, we are going to get candid about access to each other’s phones in marriage. Should cell phones be private? Should the parties lock theirs like the gates of hell? Should we sleep with our phones in our pyjama pockets? Should we use phony names à la “Battery Low” for the contacts of our illicit desires?
Phone access in marriage: Is it a right?
I believe that marriage is a garden where the values of the partners involved are cultivated and watered to bloom. For a couple to achieve mutual trust, each must put in the work. Some people argue that a mobile phone is a personal-private gadget and should be treated so. The problem with this stance is that it ignores a naked truth – when you dip your feet into the marital union, you irreversibly forfeit your privacy to your partner. There is no other way around it! This is someone with whom you share your soul. Your bed. Your everything. Why would you dream of privacy in a gadget?
I should be able to access my partner’s phone when and if I need it. I should also make my phone accessible to him. We should have nothing to hide. Absolutely.
What’s the limitation to the right?
Every freedom has a limitation. As much as you should access your partner’s phone, there must be boundaries. No one wants to live with a spy in the name of a partner. Do not pick it to just rummage through the text messages and call history to see who he/she called, or who might have “deared” him/her, or who might have said “hello”. Think about it this way: if you walked into your room and found your closet turned upside down, how would you feel? Even with nothing to hide, you would definitely feel invaded.
I have seen the light
I do not check my husband’s messages and chats anymore. I would be lying if I said I have never done it. I did it in my first months of marriage. You see, this is the period one tries to know the other person’s devils. With time, I learnt that trust is not built on insecurities. Your spouse must never feel like he/she is bugged. It is a terrible thing to know that someone listens to and reads anything you say and write. It is stifling and strips people off their real self.
Take this to the bank…
It is good for a spouse to know that access to their partner’s phone is guaranteed. However, it is liberating to build trust.